The other Cheek

So as I have been fasting, I’ve been super duper challenged. It seems that people at work, home, and in my social groups have all put a lock on the target on my back and are firing. As an Aries, I have a tendency to blow at unexpected times and intervals. But I am trying to achieve spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical transformation here! So I can’t turn into the Queen of hearts and yell “off with their heads!” So what do I do?

Do I turn the other cheek? Do I ignore it? Oh please just let me yell it just once…twice…ok three times then I’ll stop! Promise!

Ok so we know that no matter how much I yell nothing will truly be accomplished. What I have found is that even though it gets uncomfortable and it is definitely tiring we must woman or man up and be the bigger person when in situations that we feel our boundaries or standards of being treated have been violated.

I entered into a horribly dysfunctional non relationship relationship a few years ago and the havoc this thing wreaked was gargantuan! The tears, the triangles, the shame, the public embarrassment…it was all horrible. Why did I enter and continue in such a situation? Because I wanted love and it was nice at first and because I began that “turn the other cheek” stuff. I got dizzy…really dizzy. The fact is turning the other cheek isn’t the only or best option.  So how did I get out of it with my cheeks intact (insert funny comment about my butt here)? I walked away first. Then I addressed those that needed to be addressed and then I moved on (there goes that forgiveness bit again).

Walking away doesn’t have to be as dramatic and hurtful as some would make it out to be. Before you walk away though, you have to first acknowledge that the situation isn’t good for you. Then make a plan and walk away. Remember that walking away from the situation is merely a step back for you to gather your senses and decide what to do next. Walking away from a situation is about you not anyone else. The other person or group of people may not even notice you have stepped back. They may not come looking for you, screaming “olly olly oxen free!!”. They may even celebrate or make up ugly things behind you but again this isn’t about them this is about your boundaries and standard of treatment.

Addressing those that need to be addressed is a tricky one. In each “other cheek” cheek situation there are players and non player or instigators. Players are those who have directly crossed a boundary or have sullied your standard of treatment. The non players are the hallelujah chorus, the friends, the officemates, the audience if you will. These people don’t need to be addressed. Addressing the players will be exhausting enough without adding a 20 or 30 person posse of lessers. Addressing the players will take patience, tact, and pure unadulterated honesty. Now keep in mind that you may be the only one playing by these rules so don’t get frustrated when you don’t get the same consideration. First you need to make sure you are not lying to yourself, organize your thoughts, be clear, and as rational as possible. When we get emotional we tend to shy away from the actual issue and deal only in feelings which doesn’t serve our best purpose. I’m not saying don’t be emotional, I’m saying be as clear as possible as what your actual issue is. Take responsibility in the issue, whether you want to admit it or not we all play a role in our reality, good or bad. So what if you can’t take the person or group aside? Write it out. While I admit this isn’t as gratifying it will serve the same purpose. It also gives the player a chance to correct their actions. Clarity is always best when teetering on the abyss of curse out.

Then move on, forgive. A lot easier said then done. But forgiveness is doable. Wallowing in the issue will only piss you off. And pretty soon you won’t be able to look at your best friend watch a funny commercial, or deal with your sibling yawning without wanting to explode. Whomever you have an issue with, say what you have to say and let it go. You have to make a decision as to where the player or group of players belong or fit. If they don’t fit anywhere, that’s fine just commit to wherever you put them.

This process can take forever depending on where you are and the type of boundary or standard. For me, it took one full calendar year to deal with the non relationship relationship but I’m happy and me and the players are clear and amicable. And with the energy I have saved I have had time to grow and flourish as a person. So I need to remember that when I walk into an office meeting, or any other current situation for that matter. I hope it was good for you! It was good for me! Until next time!

*note* I am NOT  saying that one should abandon the idea of turning the other cheek but in situations in which you feel violated, or abused you dont have to keep turning the other cheek. Most people respond to cheekage after a while but for those that don"t get it and seem to like to slap you...this blog is for you!