Dust to Dust

Both of my Grandfathers have passed onto the next realm this year. Within two months of each other they were gone. They both died after suffering a stroke. I must admit that I am devastated. My grandpop died first. He raised me and gave me all the foundations of what it is to be loved by a man. He danced with me in the living room, he taught me algebra, he participated in every graduation ceremony, he frowned at my boy friends and he told me I was beautiful. My second grandfather met me shortly after I met my father when i was 15. We spent my 25th birthday sitting in the gallery (porch) of his house in Trinidad. He was the man that taught me about forgiveness and second chances. He gave me a peek into who my father was that no one else could give. He too told me I was beautiful, and was proud of me, and only saw sweetness in me. At the end of each oversees phone call he would say "stay sweet and be blessed" I can almost hear him now. We shared a personal relationship that no one had access to except for us. Because he was so far I can pretend he is still here but he's not and just like in the mourning process with my first grandfather, I hit little pockets of sadness when I realize he is really gone.

All of this death has left me thinking about legacy and perspective. With both of my grandfathers I experienced love that was unmatched and special but I recognize their humanity as well. On both sides people were left with unresolved issues, resentment, regrets, and grief. I have to accept the fact that no one is perfect, even myself. Someone will always feel slighted; none of us will leave this world with everyone being deeply sorry for the loss. But my question is: Does that make our life any less important? As I watch both my parents deal or not deal with the unresolved issues that lay in my grandfather’s wake, I wonder, can I ever truly forgive those who have hurt me and can those I have hurt ever forgive me and does it matter?

We all tend to focus on the negative. When a friend hurts our feelings we blot out all the good times we have had with that person, when a lover is lost we lament over all the ugly they did to us and decide we're better off without them, ignoring the time and good love that was invested at some point. Death doesn’t end our suffering in this realm...so what do you do with it?

At funerals, only the positive are normally discussed and celebrated so what do the living do with the hurt that is left? I'm at a loss right now. I loved both of my grandfathers with all that I had and looked to their love for me as an example for how I needed to be treated. As I look around, I realize that my feelings are not necessarily representative of the whole. So what is their legacy?

Charles R Wilson was an engineer and inventor; he went to Stanford, Johns Hopkins, and Penn State. He was a black man that accomplished much and took care of his family until the very end. He overcame disabilities and racial barriers and became limitless. That is his legacy to me.

Earl Phillip was a charismatic lover of life and women, a member of the Trinidadian Army and traveled. He loved God and spent his later year’s atoning for his earlier mistakes. He recognized his flaws and worked honestly to gain forgiveness from those he loved and also may have hurt. He had a strong faith in God and the beauty of God and understood the importance of forgiveness. He understood everyone's humanity and from his own mistakes could understand the mistakes of others and worked hard to forgive every day. That is his legacy to me: To forgive and be realistic and honest with yourself first. God knows and sees.

I am thankful for the perspective I have gained from both these men. I count myself lucky to now have them in the spiritual realm looking out for me. I send love and light and kisses to both of them. I also promise not to let either of their legacies die within me. I will be limitless every day and forgive myself and others every chance I get, no matter how hard.